he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
