You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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