So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
