I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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