I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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