he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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