the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The power of my boobs compel you
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
