Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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