I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
