Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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