haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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