I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
