Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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