The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
