Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
