What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize