i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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