If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
