my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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