Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
