I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
