she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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