Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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