My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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