Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
