Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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