Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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