i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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