I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
