I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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