O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
