I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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