Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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