where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
