I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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