oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
