Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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