Whod you bang
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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