I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
