went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
