the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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