I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
