id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Randomize
