Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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