I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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