and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
