The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
is it fun? or sober?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
