Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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