my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
