If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
