Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
