she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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