ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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