Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
