The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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